You're probably doing better than you think

After my last post that quoted Nephi's lament about his own inadequacies, I read Falling to Heaven, by James L. Ferrell, who also wrote the wonderful The Peacegiver.  Ferrell points out that several other prophets make similar, er, confessions in the scriptures.  He quotes Alma laying out his past sins to his sons, Amulek's confession to his neighbors that he knew but ignored the hand of the Lord in his own life, and Joseph Smith for his.

My favorite that Ferrell brought up was the Apostle Paul.  I hadn't remembered this from him in his epistle to the Romans, chapter 7:

18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. 19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

Oh, how many times have I thought that?!  I know what's good, but I can't figure out how to do it. What I know I should and want to do, I don't do, but that which I know I shouldn't do, I do anyway.


And so does everybody else.  So did Paul.  So did Nephi, and Alma, and Joseph Smith, and our prophets and apostles today.  And you.


And even when we can temper our guilt with the fact that "no one need suppose me guilty of any malignant sins" (Joseph Smith—History 1:28), we still know that we fall utterly short of what we want and what God requires.


But I think it's a mistake of arrogance to allow our sinful nature to make us feel unworthy of blessings or goodness.  True humility would realize that we cannot do what is required of us, so we rely wholly on the power of the Atonement to make up the difference.  It isn't humble to compare ourselves to perfection, which is unattainable.

So our own laments should sound an awful lot like those of the prophets above, maybe even sounding very hard on ourselves, as we groan at our own wretchedness.  Then we rejoice in the goodness of the Lord who covers whatever gap we have.

What's the proper attitude to sin?

I'm not sure I have the title of this post right.  This dates from my trip to Mexico, when my travelling companions and I had a little fireside in our hotel room reading Believing Christ, by Stephen E. Robinson.  And even that was from a Sunday School lesson earlier in the year that included 2 Nephi 28.

In church I made the comment that people could use the Atonement as an excuse to sin.  "Christ has already suffered for all my sins, including every sin I've yet to commit."  I worry a little about the danger of having confidence in, but not love of, the Atonement. Essentially believing that no matter what you do, God will save you anyway, so might as well, "Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God."

So that's obviously not right.  Nephi provides what I figure I must consider the proper response to one's own sinful nature in 2 Nephi 4:

17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.

19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.

20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.

... 

26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?

27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the benemy of my soul.

29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation. 

There's more, and it's all good.


So I asked the question above, and Nephi's answer is the right one.  But how to apply that in my own life I'm still not sure.  How does one feel "wretched" like Nephi does while still rejoicing in one's heart for the Lord's condescension and mercy.


I worry that in practice one might end up feeling wretched and guilty to the point of despair, or feel so hopeful in ultimate salvation that the groaning for sins is simply skipped.


Nephi figured that out by the end of his life.  I'm still working on it.

Ignore the prophet when he says you're doing wrong

Making my way through the Old Testament, I laughed out loud at these verses in 1 Kings 22.

7 And Jehoshaphat said, Is there not here a prophet of the Lord besides, that we might enquire of him?
8 And the king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat, There is yet one man, Micaiah the son of Imlah, by whom we may enquire of the Lord: but I hate him; for he doth not prophesy good concerning me, but evil.

And later on in the chapter, in fact Micaiah does prophesy that Ahab, the King of Israel, will die.  Ahab Dies.

Even when prophets say hard things, we should listen.

A prayer for forgiveness

Solomon built a temple in Israel--the first since the Tabernacle of Moses as Israel wandered in the wilderness.

Just like we do today, Solomon said a prayer of dedication when the temple was complete.  It's a beautiful prayer for forgiveness in case of the guaranteed eventuality that Israel sins.

The pattern is repeated several times throughout the prayer (1 Kings 8:28-50).  The pattern goes like this:

1. We'll probably sin.
2. We'll suffer for sin.
3. That will lead us to repentance.
4. Please forgive us when we come back.
5. We'll probably sin again.  Repeat steps 2-5.

33 ¶When thy people Israel be smitten down before the enemy, because they have sinned against thee, and shall turn again to thee, and confess thy name, and pray, and make supplication unto thee in this house:
34 Then hear thou in heaven, and forgive the sin of thy people Israel, and bring them again unto the land which thou gavest unto their fathers.
35 ¶When heaven is shut up, and there is no rain, because they have sinned against thee; if they pray toward this place, and confess thy name, and turn from their sin, when thou afflictest them:
36 Then hear thou in heaven, and forgive the sin of thy servants, and of thy people Israel, that thou teach them the good way wherein they should walk, and give rain upon thy land, which thou hast given to thy people for an inheritance.
37 ¶If there be in the land famine, if there be pestilence, blasting, mildew, locust, or if there be caterpiller; if their enemy besiege them in the land of their cities; whatsoever plague, whatsoever sickness there be;
38 What prayer and supplication soever be made by any man, or by all thy people Israel, which shall know every man the plague of his own heart, and spread forth his hands toward this house:
39 Then hear thou in heaven thy dwelling place, and forgive, and do, and give to every man according to his ways, whose heart thou knowest; (for thou, even thou only, knowest the hearts of all the children of men;)

The most fantastic thing about the Atonement is that it is infinite.  No matter how often we sin, whether we repeat the same one, or go through a series of them, forgiveness is available every time we repent.

Is there anything man can do to disqualify himself from the infinite nature of the atonement?  Yes.  Stop wanting it.  Stop trying.  Stop repenting.  Those three are all the same thing.

No matter how bad you think your sin is, the Lord's most favorite thing will be to forgive you of it when you repent.  Repentance is not a single event that you do when you get to the point that you're not going to sin anymore.  That never happens.  Repentance, and therefore the Lord's forgiveness, is a daily process of trying to do better.

Keep trying.

Stones

Some weeks ago I read, on back to back nights, Ether chapter 3 and 1 Samuel 17--the stories of the brother of Jared bringing stones to light their ships and David and Goliath, respectively.

These are both stories of young men (actually, I don't know how old Jared's brother is at this point) who face impossible challenges.  There is no way that the Jaredites can cross the ocean in the dark and there's no way for David to defeat Goliath, who stands at six cubits and a span.  I mean, come on! He's six whole cubits!  And a span!  When was the last time you saw someone and said, "Wow.  That guy's got to be at least six cubits and a span!"

But with the Lord, all things are possible.  (Matt. 19:26).

So, the brother of Jared, seeing the impossibility of the task before him, comes to the Lord with an idea and faith that it will work.  "We know that thou art able to show forth great power, which looks small unto the understanding of men" (Ether 3:5).

David, in another tremendous demonstration of faith in God's power says, "The Lord...will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine" (1 Sam 17:37).

In both cases the men brought small, smooth stones with them.  I've been thinking since I read this about the similarities between the stories and what the stones might represent.  In the scriptures, stones are used to kill people, to build buildings and altars, as a symbol for the Lord's help (including in these two instances, I think), and at least once as a name for testicles (Deut 23:1).

The nearly 500 instances of "stone" in the scriptures were a little daunting for me to fully research for purposes of a blog post.  So instead I thought and prayed about it.  Here's what I came up with.

We all face trials in our lives.  In fact we're all faced with the impossible task of being perfect and worthy to return to God while living in a fallen world. In that sense, I think the stones in both cases are fair representations of the Atonement--the sacrifice that makes it possible through repentance to overcome the fallen nature of the world and return to live with Father in Heaven.

In a more practical sense, we also face the trials of life on a daily basis.  But the Lord, who sent us to this fallen world, has also provided us the tools to face and overcome those challenges.  The examples of both men include stones (which are described in the scriptures as the Lord's help), but it's their faith in God and His power that is the key.

We can go forward into the jaws of our challenges and trials with the faith that the Lord will give us the help to overcome them if we have faith and make use of what He's made available to us.  If we ask, he will guide those stones where they need to go or touch them and make them shine.

David's tragedy

David, the future King of Israel is introduced in the scriptures like this: "The Lord chooses David of Bethlehem as king—He is anointed by Samuel—Saul chooses David as his companion and armor bearer." (1 Sam 16--Chapter Heading).  An auspicious beginning for what would be "the most brilliant [reign] of Israelitish history" (Bible Dictionary).

I'll not retell the whole stories, but David's experiences teach him and readers profound truths of the Gospel, the Atonement, God's love for His children, the blessings of righteousness, and, of course, the consequences of sin.

2 Samuel 12 is the chapter just after David has Uriah killed to hide his own sin with Uriah's wife.  That chapter is sorrowful to read.  Who, having committed any sin requiring forgiveness, can't connect with David's heart-wrenching pleas for forgiveness.

The Lord reminds David in verses 7 and 8, "I anointed thee king over Israel, and I delivered thee out of the hand of Saul; And I gave thee thy master’s house, and thy master’s wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things."  (Emphasis added.)

Oi.  Reading this helps remind me not only of the blessings that I have but of all the blessings I have yet to receive.  I can look today and see that the Lord has blessed me well beyond what justice would require, yet I have in store all the blessings pertaining to the covenants of the gospel, if I only keep them.

What a loving Father in Heaven we have.  He has chosen us for this day.  He's blessed us with what we need to serve him well.  And if that's not enough, he'll bless us more.

Late in his life, David laments in prayer, "I have sinned greatly in that I have done: and now, I beseech thee, O Lord, take away the iniquity of thy servant; for I have done very foolishly" (2 Sam 24:10). And later, "Lo, I have sinned, and I have done wickedly: but these sheep, what have they done? let thine hand, I pray thee, be against me, and against my father’s house" (2 Sam 24:17).

David's entire life is full of more righteousness than wickedness, but his wickedness was of the gravest kind, for the most selfish reasons.  David's great tragedy is that he traded his love of God for the immediate gratification of lust, and then covered that up with murder, losing his exaltation.  That's a high price to pay, and makes David the most tragic figure of the Old Testament.

Relying on the Lord

In my life I've maybe been too dependent on others for my happiness and satisfaction.  I don't know for sure that I'm too dependent, but I am sure that making your happiness conditional on the approval, love, or agency of another person will always lead to disappointment.  We are all fallen, and that state means we will do things that cause pain to ourselves and to others.

The atonement makes up for all this.  As I've been studying more about the Atonement recently, and through my own experiences making use of it's power, I've learned some things.

1. The Atonement removes the consequences of sin.
2. The Atonement eases and heals pain.
3. The Atonement fills the void left by the harmful actions of others.
4. The Atonement creates a desire and ability to forgive.

After relying on others who, because of the fall, hurt us, the Lord can heal that pain and fill the gap in support left by the abandonment of others.  No matter what anyone else does that may harm you, you can always rely on the Lord and His matchless power to overcome that pain.

And when you have that burden lifted, the ability to forgive others is so much easier, because you aren't carrying the cross.  Christ suffered all things, that we might not suffer, if we would repent.  When we receive the forgiveness for our own sins, release the pain we feel whether caused by ourselves, by others, or by bad luck, forgiveness becomes a given.

Seen in the proper way, there's nothing to forgive, because the Savior suffered for that person's sins, too, and takes those sins upon Himself.  And it's easy to forgive the Savior for that, after all you recognize he's done for you.